"Expensive Coffee Filter That Separates the Coffee Grounds of Hoax News from the Essence of Facts"

I'm so tired of being served clickbait news every day that only aims to create retail panic selling. But you're here as a sophisticated filter. You filter out the dregs of lies, and then you present us with only the essence of the facts. Thanks to you, I'm never again poisoned by hoax news that makes me sell good stuff at cheap prices. You save my energy and my sanity.